This picture sums up where I have been mentally the last few days. I kept looking up, but rain and clouds were overhead. It doesn’t help that we are in the middle of an unprecedented rainy season. The rain has gone on and on and on…everything is so green and lush. It’s the middle of May and the temperatures are so mild. The lakes and streams are full again after several years of drought. Can you see how I am attempting to be positive? It’s a “Good Thing,” as Martha would say. But, really…
I have struggled, wanting to write, knowing I needed to get out of my head, but the words wouldn’t come. I’ve scribbled thoughts on scraps of paper, in the margins of my lovely Melody Beattie book, and in this funny little diary my friend Julie gave me:
I have cried some, talked to my dog, and “reached out” by calling and visiting a few choice friends and family. I fretted and paced, found myself wanting to: a) eat, b) sleep, c) drink, d) smoke many cigarettes, e) do a lot of laundry/ironing. The last choice being the most healthy of the bunch. I am all caught up. Want to bring some things over?
I followed some best practices that I learned when I was in “rehab,” as I affectionately call it. I listened to music, I read, stayed with my exercise routine, I meditated–all good protocol.
So, guess what? Today I felt like an airplane that just popped out of the low hanging cloud cover that obstructed the view of the glorious sky above it all. It came about as a feeling of lightness where heaviness was; a slight shift in perspective, an understanding that my life will work out. I was able to let the anxiety go. And, then a strange warming of my heart occurred, a feeling of being thankful; a renewed love for this beautiful gift of a life. This is no small miracle.
Thank goodness–God, friends, perseverance, good therapy, modern meds; a combination of it all.
My God, though, it’s still raining.
But on the inside I am content. In fact, I think I am going to put on my rain gear and go walking. You may catch me singing, too.
And I’ll for sure do a little jump for joy:)