One criticism I hear about Facebook is that some people seem to scream on their newsfeed: “Look at my perfect life! My perfect children/grandchildren! Look at me–I am so blessed! etc.” To that I usually respond…well, hide those obnoxious people! You do know that is an option, right?
That said, I do think of Facebook as a form of entertainment, so I consider my potential posts in terms of
Will it be interesting to anyone besides me?
Will it provide worthwhile information?
Will it be educational?
Is it funny? Will it bring a smile or laugh?
Is it just too stinkin’ cute to pass up?
Like that. Get it?
So, it can appear that I have a perfect life, because I don’t post everything! If my musings cannot pass the test above, it doesn’t go up. Believe me, I have crappy days, sad days, downright shitty days…and sometimes those days that I really, really just don’t want to go on. Still.
You just won’t know about it from reading my Facebook page. Which is the reason I am writing this blog post. Something happened this week that has brought me up short and I can’t quit thinking about it. It was a suicide attempt by a friend of mine.
So I HAVE to talk about this. See, I get it. That was me five years ago. My life had become too much of struggle to bear anymore. I was convinced that my family would be better off without me. I was too much of burden. I was so sad. I was just too much. Because, you know, I’ve been told that all my life. I believed it.
If you’ve never had feelings or thoughts of suicide, this line of reasoning makes no sense to you. In fact, you may think about suicide as selfish and sinful. Your judgmental attitude does nothing to help those in desperate need of your help. So, just stop it–educate yourself.
I am writing this for those of you who are considering harming yourself.
Please, please reach out.
Depression tells you to stuff your feelings, isolate so that you won’t be a downer, and handle your own sad feelings because you “have so much to be grateful for.” It simply doesn’t work to beat yourself up for not being happy even when it looks like you “have it all.”
I am so sad about my friend. And I know there are others who feel the way she feels. Maybe you are reading this right now. Hear this: You are loved, You are worthy. Please, reach out. A friend, a pastor, a help-line. Send me a note. Something. Don’t do this alone. You just can’t.